News

@Pants: Let's hope this new chick in your house isn't weird. And sorry that your sister is a nut. 
HEY, I'm eating nuts right now! 
Almonds.... in chocolate. Get your mind outta the gutter! 


Lol.
Anyway, I'm not pregnant. I started a two week late period.
Have I mentioned I hate my body?


I'm just gonna lay and and die.
Or lay down and pretend like I'm gonna die, but then get up and read a book.


Last night I started reading a new book by Frank Peretti. I'm scared. He writes some crazy things and I've only read one of his books before (This Present Darkness). Really different. It was about a town going through some crazy changes. People started getting into witchcraft and stuff. Then another part of the story involved a battle between angels and demons and how the demons would affect the decisions and actions of the townspeople. And how the angels' strength depended on the prayers of people at church. Funny, because it had me wondering whether the idea was actually completely fictional or based on the way things really work.
Ya know?
Anyway, I'm reading The Oath. And I'm scared because it was recommended by my husband. All the Frank Peretti books belong to him. He says that this was the only book to ever scare the shit out of him. Not literally, but he did say he had a turn a light on. Why does this freak me out? Because my husband doesn't get scared. Ever. He's the kind of guy who could watch a scary movie without blinking or changing his facial expressions. And all the FP books involve demons in some way.
These are the kinds of books I like to read because usually they come with a message on how to deal with fear, usually in a religious way. It paints a picture of demons more as pathetic little creatures with nothing better to do than torture, instead of beasts you should fear at all times. 
Demons are real, btw. 
No, ghosts are not. OH NOES, DID I RUIN GHOST HUNTERS FOR YOU?
I used to love that show too. And Paranormal State, that was a good one.
How do I know? Lots of studying do to personal experience with the supernatural. In fact, it's the reason I'm religious now. Dropped the whole "cool atheist" scene for a reason, that's for sure.
Am I 100% positive that I'm right? Yes. 
If anyone tells me otherwise, I don't debate. I just nod my head.
I've seen too much. I know too much.


Anyway, let's not jump into deep shit just yet. A lot of people stopped being my friend when I became religious. Which is ghey, because I don't preach at anyone. And I don't tell anyone my beliefs unless I'm expressing it in my own little area, like this blog. Or if someone asks me. My atheist best friend flipped out once and was like, "YOU KNOW THAT IF I POSTED THAT I LOVE BEING AN ATHEIST, YOU'D COME PREACHING AT ME." Which is bullshit. She pulled that out of her ass. I've never done that and it's ridiculous to assume that any religious person automatically just does that.
I'm always up for a friendly debate, but please don't dish it if you can't take it.


I respect everyone and their beliefs. I really do. 
So please don't run away. >_<


Ahhhhhhh I think I'm done. I've said A LOT.


- Alli

Damn it.

A blood test is the only 100% positive way to know if you are pregnant. (I think). Compared to Alli's life, mine seems pretty boring. We got a new housemate. Shoshana is her name. We were supposed to get another person (a guy I think) but he's waiting until today to come. That's four people in the house. Hoshit. Do we have enough room in the fridge? I haven't been around this many people since I was at home. Speaking of home, I'm getting homesick. I miss my mom and everyone. Well, everyone except my addict of a sister. She's not only an addict, but an unmedicated bipolar patient too! Her fits are worse than mine - and I'm the one that sees and hears things that aren't really there.

Confused

So, I'm about to spit out a lot of personal, gross information. Read at your own risk.


I haven't had a period in like 2 years due to being pregnant and then breastfeeding. Yes, breastfeeding stops a period indefinitely. It's pretty much random when it decides to stop working as a birth control. So I've had to refer to other safe measures throughout the year.


But of course, my husband and use alcohol maybe once every two weeks to escape the pressures of being all alone, with no help or friends in Texas. Sometimes... alcohol makes you forget to use safe measures, if you know what I mean. Especially when you're drinking absynthe. O_o;


Here's where it gets crazy: Last month on August 4th, I had my very first full period. And I haven't been breastfeeding as much, which has me assuming my periods are starting up for good. So Sept. 4th rolled around and nothing happened. No periods. There was a tiny bit of spotting. Then a few days ago I had insane cramps ALL day. It hurt so bad, all the way until the next day. They reminded me of the cramps I had a week after my son was conceived. So I bought a test and took it yesterday morning. At first I thought I saw a faint positive line but then whatever I thought I saw disappeared. I might just be making stuff up in my mind. I really don't know.


But it could just be too soon to tell? There are such things as false negatives. I have 2 more tests and I think I should wait at least another week before taking another one. Do I have enough patience for this? Hell no.
And if I get another negative my mind will seriously be blown. I've never not been able to read my own body this badly. 
When I was pregnant with my other kids, I knew it from the beginning. I was 100% positive and I didn't need a test. But after I had Aiden and started this breastfeeding crap, things have gone haywire.


I should mention that I can't stop craving green bean casserole.
Also, last night I ate an XXL steak grilled stuffed burrito, plus 2 tacos from Taco Bell. My tummy usually only has room for the burrito and I hate the tacos. 


SO EFFING CONFUSED!
I'm sick of this breastfeeding crap. I went for almost a year and a half, I think I'm done. 
DONE DONE DONE.


I dunno if we could handle another baby. I know I'd love another one. I know that I'm perfectly capable of handling 3 children and it's my idea of a perfect family. But my husband absolutely doesn't want another kid. And he thinks we don't have the money to support one. We fed my son for free for an entire year. We have tons of leftover clothes and friends and family who would send us more if needed. And I would be perfectly willing to do cloth diapers. And we get free health insurance and our choice of doctors. Our hospital bill when I had Aiden was $14.
I would never get pregnant on purpose against my husbands will. Never ever. And neither of us believe in abortion. So if I'm pregnant, we're having another baby and when it comes to MY babies, I will gladly give up anything to support them. My babies come first.


I think I feel this way because I'm the mother. Mothers have more of an attachment to children. Men don't until they actually SEE their brand new baby. Which is understandable and I wouldn't hold that against my husband. I love him. But when I look at my kids, I can't help but feel like they were just meant to be. And when I think of not having a third one, I feel like something is missing. More than three feels wrong. In fact, I'll probably go on some serious birth control after that. I do NOT want four kids. Holy crap.


Damn. I'm so tired of even thinking about this. I need to KNOW. 
Stupid tests. Stupid body.


- Alli

Alli is the Queen of Optimism

Alli is the queen of optimism! Well, my weekend also sucked. I was sick Saturday and most of Sunday. With the same thing I had two weeks ago. And I spent $95 dollars on stuff I needed for class. Sewing supplies, fabrics, thread, etc etc.... So now, I'm broke. Mom says that she'll bring me more money on wednesday (which she has off instead of her usual thursday off). But anyways: I think I'll copy alli.

Things to be thankful for:
I have a roof over my head.
I have food to eat.
I have a family who loves and supports me.

Ugh

So, the past few days have sucked bawls. 'Scuse my french, but I believe it's deserved.
I've been having to take my husband to the hospital every night. They found a cyst at the end of his tailbone.
He's in a shitload of pain and they won't be able to do surgery to remove it for another two weeks.
We have to go to the ER every night until then, and wait for hours until they can re-dress the wound.


In other news, my daughter's birthday and my wedding anniversary are both coming up on the 26th and we have no money. The most I'll be able to do is make her a cake. We get paid the following weekend, so hopefully we'll be able to go to the zoo. That's also assuming that my husband will be able to freakin' walk by then, but nothing is concrete.


Things are so messed up right now, but I'm keeping my head high. Here are some things I'm thankful for:
We have coffee in the kitchen. 
We are all alive.
Some people are sending us packages! DISNEYLAND IN A BOX! Wooo!
My kids are cute.
We have the ingredients for green bean casserole. Mmm...
We're planning a trip to California for Christmas with my mother's help!
I might be pregnant (though my husband would disagree that this is something to be thankful for)
I'm pwning on Minecraft.
I had a vanilla dr. pepper last night.
Penguins have not yet gone extinct.
I haven't seen a spider in over a week.
My singing is getting better.
I have lots of friends and family who love me and are willing to help us in times of need. ^_^


I'm gonna stop there. :)
That's all for now!


- Alli

Dr. Appointment

Okay. So I'm at my parent's house because I have a doctor's appointment. It's just a follow up appointment for my finger. So I'm on the computer until about 3 pm. Sorry this is so short. I can't think of anything to talk about right now and the tv is distracting me.

Addicted...

I'm addicted to internet games.


WoW and Minecraft, to be specific. But now Star Wars: The Old Republic is coming out. 
What am I gonna do?! I can't play all three! D:
I have kids to take care of. And occasionally, I even have to feed myself.
It's true.


So I've been playing Minecraft, which is really cool because all you is build things out of blocks and fight zombies. I tend to cheat and us OP privileges so that I can give myself any material I want to build awesome things.
And I play with a bunch of boys who aren't quite as creative as I am, so it really just makes me look like a Minecraft badass. This is nice, because when I play WoW with them, I really suck. It's nice to be playing in the big leagues, know what I mean?


On a completely un-related note, our family has been hurting for money. We've been trying to live off of ramen and pb&j sammiches. It really sucks.
Today we got paid and we ordered pizza and pepsi. I felt like crying. It was so delicious... There's only ONE slice left. Thankfully, it has olives and my husband won't eat the slices with olives. YUSSSSS!!!
I know what I'm having for lunch tomorrow. 


That's pretty much all that's new. 
<3
- Alli

Splint

Wow Alli, that's crazy. You are a braver woman than I. But anyway. My mom has my finger wrapped up in a splint. I can barely type. Posts will be short. That's all for now. May edit post later. -Amelia

EDIT: She (Mom) says I can take the splint off when I type. That's good news.

Absynthe

Y U NO WORK?!


So, my husband and I ordered this $200 bottle of Absynthe all the way from the Czech Republic.  You're supposed to mix a special drink with it and then as you enjoy it, there's a chance that you could hallucinate.


To make this drink, you dip sugar cubes into the Absynthe and then hold them with a special slotted spoon above the cup. You set the sugar cubes on fire and let them caramelize and drip down into the cup. THEN you run ice cold, filtered water over the sugar.


I added extra sugar. It tastes exactly like a very strong black licorice jelly bean. I drank quite a bit of it to get the full experience. The only thing that changed was that I noticed the blue color in things and when I ate Bottlecap candies, they tasted like fireworks in my mouth. It was a very mellow, happy drunk. My brain didn't feel sloppy or out of control and I was able to think. I also didn't feel like crap the next day, which was nice.


Still... I wanted to see a baby dragon or something neat. *shrug* Whatev...
That was my absynthe experience.


- Alli

The Hazards of Sewing

Hey Everybody! Amelia here again. I'll post in green (just because it's my favorite color). So here's what happened to me yesterday: I accidentally rammed a sewing machine needle through my finger. OUCH! It even went through the bone. And because the needle fractured (split into many pieces), I had to go to the hospital and get an x-ray to see if there was any metal left in my finger. Turns out there is. But no worries. If you took a pen and tapped it on a piece of paper.... that's how small the piece is. The only problem is, is that it's located right underneath my fingernail and the hospital didn't want to mess with it. So they gave me some pain meds, antibiotics, and referred me to a plastic surgeon that MAY want to deal with it. I think I'll just leave it in. Mom says it'll just puss up and come out anyways. Mom is highly unimpressed with my teacher because, while the needle was still in my finger, my teacher Gigi pulled it out without waiting for paramedics/campus security to arrive. Mom thinks she could have done more damage. Luckily, she didn't. Because of protocol, they had to call campus security (because I was in sewing class at school when this happened) and they in turn called MedAct. They took me to the hospital in an ambulance. Sorry, it's not as cool as I thought it was going to be. And I called my mom. She of course, panicked. But everything's fine now. I'm fine. See ya for now. -Amelia

EDIT: Okay, so mom has me wearing a finger splint now. I think it's just a safety thing (since she's a nurse). My typing will be slower and shorter for a while. Just to let you know.

In A Nutshell

Hello again.


It's Alli again. I've chosen to start writing in blue so that I don't have to make clear that it's me whenever I write.


In response to Pant's blog, I have to just say "Wow." It's insane, the kinds of things the people go through nowadays. But with all the problems she has, I honestly can't even tell. She seems pretty cool and pretty normal to me.
I can't relate with the same types of baggage. My baggage is... different.
My mom had me when she was 16, with a guy who loved drugs and wanted my mom to get fat and be housewife for the rest of her life. So she was done with him before I was even born. She's currently a very successful criminalist, very healthy, and very skinny.
So my real dad had been involved with drugs all my life. He was never at birthday parties, never did anything special. I was never angry at him for it, either. I had a stepdad (Bobby), who I really never got along with.


He's been around since I was 3. After all these years of raising me, I'm sure he loves me. And I KNOW he loves my kids, that's for darn sure. Sneakin' them out in the morning to buy them pancakes... that's a true grandpa! But I never really had love for him like a girl should love her dad. It's a little sad, but I can't help it. I think I just noticed that his love for my brothers was different than his love for me. 


Who doesn't have daddy issues? AmIright?! I never let it bother me though. I was never one to hold grudges or let me issues play apart in molding me into who I am today.
I was never abused. Not that I remember, anyway.
My grandma says I used to draw in-debth pictures of naked people when I was like 3 and she suspected something was up, but quickly let it go because I was such a happy kid. I think I just liked to draw, which has remained true all my life.  If I draw a naked person right now, it's just beautiful art and I think I've always just had an eye for raw beauty.


Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe something crazy did happen when I was little. I have dreams sometimes that I'm a little girl being kidnapped. Thrown into a green van and taken away. It seems very realistic, almost like a memory. But it's no big deal.
I don't like to push crazy ideas like this. I have too great of a life to ruin it with things in the past that may or may not even exist. I have too many things to be thankful for.


Back to my childhood... I had an imaginary friend. He was a blue monster named Dernard.
He was SO real to me! I can even remember what he looked like. He didn't have a nose. He was round and fuzzy. Kinda like Grover from Sesame Street if you took away his nose and his body and attach his arms and legs to his head. Dernard was the only friend I needed. I would get so mad if anyone sat on him or stepped on him. I remember yelling at other children for not respecting Dernard's personal space bubble. They probably thought I was crazy. Some say that children make up imaginary friends because of daddy issues, but honestly I don't think that's always the case. My mom didn't have daddy issues and she had an imaginary friend. My daughter has one, as well.


My childhood pretty much ended when my grandma died. That's when our entire family turned to shit and everyone began making horrible decisions, including me. I was 12 when it happened. See, my grandma was my best friend. I pretty much saw her as my other mother. I never had lots of friends because all I needed was her. The entire family revolved around her because she was such a wonderful person. She was in her 50's when she died and nobody expected it, which is why everyone went so crazy after she was gone. She had boil and she didn't get it checked out. So the bacteria inside spread to her blood stream and she went into septic shock. I was the only one there when this happened and she and I both thought she just had the flu. She had just bought me the 5th Harry Potter book that had just come out, so I was too distracted to notice that anything was really wrong. So when I woke up the next day, I thought she was just sick when she wasn't getting out of bed. I told her goodbye and left and I never got to talk to her again. By the time someone found her later that day, she wasn't even able to speak. I guess that means I got her last words.


In the years following, I had trouble making good friends. I always had a few "just good enough" type of friends. And of course, there were a few gems that would evolve into better friends later on. My buddy Naomi (also known as x I met my fate x on Gaia) was a great friend and still is. But she was around while my grandma was still alive. Other than that, I always fought to fill the gap that my grandma death left.  I wasn't close to either of my parents, so I was a bit alone. I ended up with boyfriends that weren't so great. They treated me like crap. I got pregnant when I was 17 and a half. Left the guy I had her with because he was an asshole and basically everything was a downward spiral until I met my Nick. My super hero.


Actually, that's not true. I met Nick 2 years before I got with him. He was dating a friend of a friend and I was  deeply involved with someone else. But life truly came together when we started dating. We only dated for a month before we got married. He was signed up to leave for the army and we found out that I was pregnant, so he proposed on the spot. I didn't even think twice about it. The answer just seemed obvious, even though we had only been dating a few weeks. I had never met his parents and he hadn't met mine. Still, it was the best decision I ever made.


 My daughter was living with my parents and I was living in a room in my best friend's mother's house down the street. My parents had kicked me out for some un-godly, stupid reason. I left my daughter with them because they could better provide for her than I could with my crappy $300 a month paychecks. With that, I also had given my parents temporary custody. I felt like shit about it, of course.   But when Nick asked me to marry him, I knew that everything would be better and I was right. I got custody of my daughter back. I was able to quit my job working at the Pre-sort, where I sorted mail with a bunch of hippies who couldn't let go of "the good old days". And I became a full-time mom. Takin' care of business.


 I also got to marry my dream guy, which was amazing. We got married up in the mountains (for free) with just close friends and family. Then we had a huge fall-themed reception in the city a few weeks later. That was great. I'll even post pictures!

There's a lot more involved with that part of the story, but that's a blog for another day. Man, thinkin' about my childhood takes a lot out of me. But yea, that's my life in a nutshell. That's me.


I'll blob later about my Absynthe experience last night. ;)


- Alli

In this field of Paper Flowers....

BONJOUR MES AMIES!

I am Amelia (also known as x P A N T S x on gaiaonline). I am 21 years old and I asked Alli to start this blog with me.... well, just because I was bored and needed something to do xD The picture I have posted is a couple years old, but is still the most accurate picture of me to date (minus the flower). As of right now, I'm sitting on the college campus typing this up for you guys to read. I wrote a splurge last night and it details what I look like and what my mental status is. Yes, I have mental disabilities. Who doesn't nowadays?

Here's my splurge:

My life as a book? Well, that would be a really short book. Mostly because I can’t remember much of my childhood. The things I remember are the things I’ve seen from home movies or the most painful things. That’s where my life began as far I can remember….pain. I was abused by my biological father. Sexually, mentally, physically, verbally. You name it, he did it. I’ve blocked most of it out, but I still suffer from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). I also have Schizoaffective disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and something else I can’t remember the name of. When I think of it, I’ll add it. Just look up those mental diseases (yes, they are diseases) and look at the depressive side of each one. That’s what I have to deal with each and every single day of my life. I also have a few other milder health problems to deal with: diabetes and arthritis of the ankles to name the most prominent of them. (Arthritis of the ankles? Such an odd place to get arthritis, in my opinion.) I am less than sixty inches tall (That’s five feet for you who don’t want to do math.) and weight close to two-hundred-thirty pounds. I am size AWESOME (as my mom likes to say). I also get mistaken for a teenager a lot. Like a fifteen/sixteen year old teenager. And I’m twenty-one. People say that’s a good thing. It’s better to look younger than look older because you’ll age more gracefully and youthfully. Well, that’s what my mom thinks. Anyways... I have brown hair and green-ish eyes with a hazel ring around the pupil. My most distinguishing feature....hm…. I would have to say that is either my eyes or the chicken pox scar on my forehead (it looks like I took a pen cap and pushed it against my forehead). I wear glasses. My current ones are a faded purple (I’ve had them for years) but my new ones that I’m getting are gold and slightly more round. I am a pessimist through and through.

Okay. That was my self reflection/splurge. Kind of long, isn't it? Well, that's me. When I get bored I rant on and on and on about whatever's on my mind. Usually, that's whatever's going on in my world. I'll post more later. TTYL Guys! Can't wait to hear from you. - Amelia/Pants

Hello?

I am your mind, giving you someone to talk to...




Hello, I am Alli and this is Amelia's and Alli's blog.
Amelia asked me to do a blog and I agreed, mostly because I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. I live inside my head, for the most part. So I figured I might as well take a leap and pour my thoughts out onto the world-wide web and all of you fine fellows can just eat it for breakfast.
Sound good?

First thing is first.
Amelia and I are friends and have been for a few months now. But I know her as "Pants".
Which is pretty fitting, seeing as how she's all into fashion and whatnot. O_o
So yes, Pants and I met on Gaia. DON'T JUDGE US! >_<
It's been nice to have someone to talk to, since I'm out in the middle of nowhere, with no friends.
The only other friend I have is my husband. He's in the army, so we had to move away from home (California) and settle in the worlds slowest, most boring place (Texas).

Before I jump into my innermost thoughts, I figure I should tell a little more about myself.
I'm 22 years old. I'm married, with two kids. The only thing I'm really good at is art, which isn't all that great when you need a job. But someday I want to be an illustrator.
I enjoy video games way too much. Music gets me through any tough day. On the off chance that I get to take a break from being a mom, I like to steal away with a good book and sit in the bathtub while drinking wine and eating dark chocolate.
My secret interests include genetics. My favorite word is Deoxyribonucleic. Blood and gore doesn't freak me out and I enjoy having my blood drawn because I like watching it go through the tube.

I tend to post only the prettiest pictures of myself because I don't have very high self esteem.
But in all actuality, I very rarely wear make up or nice clothes.
I love being in my pajamas and a sweater. I like Fall and Winter. The sun just gets on my nerves, to be honest. Bring on the cold! Here's what I truly look like on a regular day:

That's my son. He's much bigger and has lots of curly hair now. But isn't he a cutie? My daughter is beautiful too.

Yep. My firstborn. Beautiful!
Well, now there's only one person missing. My super hero of a husband:

What a gorgeous human being! Look at those army man muscles! Mmm. Yup, this is the man who saved me from myself. He made my life what it is today. I love him.

So now you know a little about the person who is Alli.
I expect Pants (Amelia) will say a little something. Dunno what, though. She's still a bit of a mystery to me!

Bye for now. <3
- Alli